Montlick & Associates Partners with CWAV, USA to Launch New Anti-Bullying Program in Georgia Schools
Montlick & Associates' Family Safety Advocate, Jacquie Palisi, discusses important steps that parents can take to protect children from the growing threat of aggression on the internet known as "cyberbullying."
Many adults think that bullying is a problem that all children must learn to deal with as they grow up. However, according to Department of Health and Human Services website, stopbullying.gov, bullying is not just a phase or something that we all have to go through, it is not "just messing around", and it is not something that kids eventually just grow out of. Bullying is a serious problem that causes long-lasting harm.
Although definitions of bullying can vary, most experts agree that bullying involves:
An Imbalance of Power: A bully is usually older or bigger than the person they are bullying. The child exhibiting bullying behavior uses their power to control or harm the victim being bullied may have a hard time defending themselves.
Intent to Cause Harm: If an action is done by accident then it is not bullying; but if the person bullying has a goal to cause harm, then that is bullying.
Repetition: Incidents of bullying typically happen to the same the person over and over by the same person or group of people, but events can occur singularly, as well.
Bullying is Real: It happens every single day all around us. In one way or another most of us have experienced bullying – either personally as a victim, bystander or even as the bully.
Most bullying occurs because we are different from one another. Kids get teased because they are built differently than the "average" person or they get left out of a group of individuals because someone in that group doesn’t like the way they dress or is jealous of that person’s looks, abilities or possessions.
The truth is that we are all different but we are also all very similar, too. If we take the time to get to know each other we will see that our differences make us unique and interesting. Unfortunately, as long as there are differences in the way we look, dress, act, think, some people will respond to those differences in a negative way.
Types Of Bullying
Is Your Child Being Bullied? Recognize These Important Warning Signs!
In the first of a two-part series, Montlick & Associates' Family Safety Advocate Jacquie Palisi details the many warning signs of bullying, and shares important steps parents should take if children do become bullied. Watch our weekly news broadcast and click on the link below to download your copy of the firm's Parent's Guide to Bully Prevention.
There are several different types of bullying. Bullying can be irritating, embarrassing, hurtful and even dangerous. Some of the various forms of bullying are:
Verbal
Social Emotional
Physical
Cyberbullying
Verbal
Most of us have experienced Verbal bullying – this happens when someone calls another person names or otherwise teases them. Kids may tease a child who has red hair or is otherwise perceived to be "different" than everyone else. We need to value and respect each other’s differences! Just smile, nod and walk away or you can acknowledge the difference and express pride in your individuality by saying something like, "That’s right, and I like it" as you walk away.
Social Emotional
Social Exclusion happens when a group leaves another person out on purpose, when someone spreads rumors or gossips about another person or when someone tries to break up friendships of another person. Girls most often resort to Social Exclusion when bullying.
Physical
Physical bullying involves any form of physical action directed at another person including:
Hitting
Punching
Shoving
Kicking
Tripping
Spitting
If you are being physically abused, we strongly recommend that you immediately report the incident to a trusted adult and, if warranted, to local law enforcement.
Cyberbullying
Protect Your Child from Cyber Bullying
Montlick & Associates' Family Safety Advocate, Jacquie Palisi, discusses important steps that parents can take to protect children from the growing threat of aggression on the internet known as "cyberbullying."
Cyberbullying involves the use of digital technology, such as mobile phones or Internet to cause harm to others by:
Creating false profiles/websites
Posting embarrassing, hurtful or harmful information on social websites
Sending mean, untrue or hurtful text messages
Posting inappropriate or embarrassing pictures or videos
Effects of Bullying
The effects of bullying can be devastating and last a lifetime. While these effects may also be caused by other factors, research has found bullying has significant effects for those who are bullied and those who bully others.
Kids Who are Bullied: Have higher risk of depression and anxiety, including the following symptoms that may persist into adulthood:
Increased feelings of sadness and loneliness
Changes in sleep and eating patterns
Loss of interest in activities
Have increased thoughts about suicide that may persist into adulthood. (In one study, adults who recalled being bullied in youth were 3 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts or inclinations.)
Are more likely to have health complaints. (In one study, being bullied was associated with physical health status 3 years later.)
Have decreased academic achievement (GPA and standardized test scores) and school participation.
Are more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.
Are more likely to retaliate through extremely violent measures. (In 12 of 15 school shooting cases in the 1990s, the shooters had a history of being bullied.)
Kids Who Bully Others:
Have a higher risk of abusing alcohol and other drugs in adolescence and as adults.
Are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school.
Are more likely to engage in early sexual activity.
Are more likely to have criminal convictions and traffic citations as adults. (In one study, 60% of boys who bullied others in middle school had a criminal conviction by age 24.)
Are more likely to be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses or children as adults.
Characteristics of Bullying
Recognizing the Warning Signs of Bullying
There are many warning signs that could indicate that someone is involved in bullying, either by bullying others or by being bullied. However, these warning signs may indicate other issues or problems, as well. If you are a parent or educator, learn more about how to talk with someone about bullying. Some of the warning signs may be:
A Child is Being Bullied:
Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing, or jewelry
Has unexplained injuries
Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick
Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
Has changes in eating habits
Hurts themselves
Are very hungry after school from not eating their lunch
Runs away from home
Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends
Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers
Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school
Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home
Talks about suicide
Feels helpless
Often feels like they are not good enough
Blames themselves for their problems
Suddenly has fewer friends
Avoids certain places
Acts differently than usual
A Child is Bullying Others:
Becomes violent with others
Gets into physical or verbal fights with others
Gets sent to the principal's office or detention a lot
Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained
Is quick to blame others
Will not accept responsibility for their actions
Has friends who bully others
Needs to win or be best at everything
Bullying Statistics
Bullying is a form of child abuse and 4 out of 10 children will drop out of high school this year because they are being bullied at school or abused at home.
School Bullying Statistics:
30% of U.S. students in grades six through ten are involved in moderate or frequent bullying - as bullies, as victims, or as both - according to the results of the first national school bullying statistics and cyberbullying statistics survey on this subject.
School bullying and cyberbullying are increasingly viewed as an important contributor to youth violence, including homicide and suicide. (Case studies of the shooting at Columbine High School and other U.S. schools have suggested that bullying was a factor in many of the incidents.)
Recent School Bullying and Cyberbullying Statistics Show That:
1 out of 4 kids are bullied.
77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally, & physically. Cyberbullying statistics are rapidly approaching similar numbers, with 43% experiencing cyberbullying.
Of the 77% of students that said they had been bullied, 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse.
1 in 5 students admit to being a bully, or doing some "Bullying."
Each day 160,000 students miss school for fear of being bullied.
43% of kids fear harassment in the bathroom at school.
100,000 students carry a gun to school.
28% of youths who carry weapons have witnessed violence at home.
282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.
More youth violence occurs on school grounds as opposed to on the way to school.
Playground school bullying statistics - Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention - 4%. Peer intervention - 11%. No intervention - 85%.
School Crime and Safety:
(According To The Bureau Of Justice School Bullying and Cyberbullying statistics Study)
Teenagers say revenge is the strongest motivation for school shootings.
87% said shootings are motivated by a desire to "get back at those who have hurt them."
86% said, "other kids picking on them, making fun of them or bullying them" causes teenagers to turn to lethal violence in the schools.
Students recognize that being a victim of abuse at home or witnessing others being abused at home may cause violence in school according to recent school bullying statistics and cyberbullying statistics.
61% said students shoot others because they have been victims of physical abuse at home.
54% said witnessing physical abuse at home can lead to violence in school.
The school bullying statistics and cyberbullying statistics showed that students say their schools are not safe.
The study indicated that those in the lower grades reported being in twice as many fights as those in the higher grades. However, there is a lower rate of serious violent crimes in the elementary level than in the middle or high school.
Get Help...Take ACTION
Characteristics of those involved in Bullying
There are three Key Players involved with bullying incidents. These are: the Bully, the Target or Victim, and the Bystander(s). Each of these players has their own set of characteristics that are typical for most.
THE BULLY
The Bully is Characterized by:
Low self-esteem
Hunger for power and control
Contempt of those different
Often driven by jealousy and/or envy
Attention seekers
We don't always understand or know why a bully behaves the way they do, and sometimes the bully doesn't even realize that their behavior is abusive. They may see it as just teasing or taunting when, in fact, their actions are causing pain, embarrassment and distress to the target or victim.
If you have been guilty of being a bully, and no longer want to live your life this way, know that you can stop and take a stand to teach other bullies that this behavior is wrong.
Actions You Can Take:
Apologize to past Victims
Don't let your friends bully others
Stand up and speak out for the Victim the next time you witness a bullying incident
Talk to a parent, counselor or other trusted adult if you need help with learning how to stop bullying
Join the A4K Club, take the Pledge and step up and speak out to help spread the word with your Voice that bullying and all child abuse is wrong and is not acceptable.
THE TARGET/VICTIM
The Target also known as the Victim of bullying is the person who receives the insults/abuse from the bully in bullying incidents. If you are or have been the target of bullying, please know that you are not alone and it is not your fault. There is help out there for you and things will change and get better.
Some common characteristics of the Target or Victim may include:
The Target/Victim often remains silent and won't tell anyone
Additionally, he or she may feel ashamed or embarrassed
Sometimes they may even believe it is their fault – but it isn't
Actions You Can Take:
If you are the target of bullying tell someone! Confide in a trusted adult:
A parent
A teacher
A counselor
A coach
A friend
Keep this person informed each time an incident occurs so that they can help you determine the best course of action to take next. Other things you can do in the meantime, until things get better, are to:
Try to walk with a friend or group of friends - there is safety in numbers.
Find a safe place that you can go to get away from the bully.
Turn and walk the other direction when you see the bully heading your way – if possible, walk towards an adult.
THE BYSTANDER
The last key player is the bystander – there is usually more than one Bystander or Witness to the bullying incident. Like the Bully and the Target, the Bystander also has characteristics that are common.
The characteristics of the Bystander include:
Between 70 and 85% of kids aren't bullies or victims, they are the bystanders.
Bystanders can be positive:
They may try to get help or
If they feel safe to do so, they may tell the bully to stop
They can be supporting to the person who is being bullied.
Bystanders can also be negative:
They may laugh, cheer or otherwise encourage the bully
They may just silently stand by and do nothing
Bystanders may include a follower of the bully who may even carry out acts of bullying at the direction of a lead bully
Bystanders may feel unsafe
Bystanders are a very powerful group of individuals who can take power away from the bully
Actions You Can Take:
If you witness someone being bullied there are several things that you can do to try to help. Some of these actions include:
Go up to the Target/Victim and ask them to walk away with you
If you feel safe to do so, tell the Bully to stop
Go get help from an adult
Tell a parent or other trusted adult what is going on
Recruit some of your other friends to join you in befriending the Target/Victim
What not to do:
Do not encourage the Bully
Do not try to fight or otherwise engage in physical contact with the Bully
Do not laugh or joke about the incident
Do not take pictures or videos of the incident, unless your sole intention is to show the video to a teacher or parent for the purpose of helping!
Never post embarrassing photos or videos of a bullying incident on the Internet, or share them with anyone, other than a parent or teacher for the purpose of helping.
Even if you can't speak out in front of others, don't remain silent about the bullying
Having good character and doing the right thing will take you much farther in life than being popular. If you have been a Bystander in the past, you may have done the right thing and stood up for the person being bullied or gone and gotten help. If you did nothing, you may be experiencing feelings of guilt and remorse for not taking a stand. Regardless of what may have happened in the past, you can move forward with the intent to do the right thing in the future.
In the face of bullying there is really no such thing as an innocent bystander. The fact that there are so many more bystanders than bullies and those bystanders typically do nothing to help gives power to the Bully to continue their harassment of the Victim. Together "We have a Voice!" You can help make a difference. You can choose to do the right thing and make the world a more peaceful place by stepping up and speaking out against all abuse, including bullying.
After all, the next time a bullying incident occurs it could easily be one of the 85% of Bystanders who are the Target/Victim - and wouldn't you want others to stand up and speak out if the Target/Victim was YOU?
How To Help
When Children Are Bullied: Important Steps for Parents!
In this week's broadcast, Montlick & Associates' Family Safety Advocate Jacquie Palisi outlines important steps for parents to take if their child is taunted or harassed or subjected to any form of violence by another student, or group of students. Watch the video here and click on the links below to download the firm's latest safety guide and to access additional information and statistics, including tips for children, teens, educators and school administrators.
The discovery that their child is being bullied opens a Pandora's box of emotions, ranging from protectiveness and outrage to feelings of helplessness in fighting for their child's safety and well-being. Under Federal law your child has the right to a safe educational environment. This page offers you support and suggestions in making that happen.
Important Steps For Parents
When you first discover that your child is a victim of bullying-Don't intervene behind your child's back. Broach the subject of bullying indirectly and give your child space to answer. Empathize with your child and reassure him or her of your love. Many children experience bullying. It is deeply humiliating and children are afraid to tell their parents for fear of embarrassment or being blamed by them. No victim is to ever be blamed for actions of a bully. Role play with your child on how to carry themselves with confidence and tell them to report the situation to a trusted adult. If your child is being cyberbullied, please refer to the information in #7 below.
Don't confront the parents of the students targeting your child. More often than not, these confrontations are tainted with anger and can make your child's situation worse.
Document all incidents with dates and approach your child's school as a potential ally, not your enemy.* Speak to your child's homeroom teacher, involve your child in the meeting; calmly lay out the facts, show documents, ask what they will do to resolve the problem and by what date. Follow up at that date. Ensure that your school has a written anti-bullying policy. Encourage the school to adopt an anti-bullying program that they maintain through the years.
*Additional STEPS TO TAKE IF NOT GETTING HELP/RESPONSE from the School: After meeting with your child's homeroom teacher to discuss, document what transpires in the meeting, how the teacher will handle it and when, schedule a meeting for a follow up after that date. If the teacher does not take action, schedule a meeting with the school principle. Repeat the same steps above. If it is not resolved, schedule a meeting with the school Superintendent. If the situation does not get resolved at Superintendent level, contact the State Department of Education. Contact your local news media and ask for help.
If You Feel Your Child's Life is in Danger:
Contact the local police and file a restraining order. (Note: It is against the law to harass based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or age.)
The U.S. Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights (OCR) enforces several federal civil rights laws that prohibit discrimination in programs or activities that receive federal financial assistance from the Department of Education. These laws prohibit discrimination on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or age. And, these laws extend to state education agencies, elementary and secondary school systems, colleges and universities, vocational schools, proprietary schools, state vocational rehabilitation agencies, libraries, and museums that receive Department of Education funds.
In addition, if you believe your child has been discriminated against because of any of the characteristics listed above; please contact the U.S. Department of Justice Educational Opportunities Section. justice.gov/crt/about/edu
Help with Cyberbullying:
Request the bully to stop all online contact and postings going forward Repeat the steps above with your school. Cyberbullying carries on the next day on school property; therefore you need to repeat steps 3, 4, and 5. Also document any further postings from the bully. Report it to your service provider, Facebook,Twitter, etc. All states have laws against electronic forms of stalking, harassment or cyberbullying.
Additional Ways to help your child outside of School:
Find activities for them outside their school peer group where they can be valued and succeed for who they are. Activities such as music, dance, art, athletics or other clubs which will help them to increase their self-confidence, build friendships outside of the school setting, and develop their talents.
